If my car was a horse, I would have to shoot it!
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire hius work
Men are like roses, you got to watch out for all the pricks
Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised
I don't hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on
I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they go by
Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to slam a revolving door
Haggis is a self cleaning meal. Leave it for a while and it will get up and walk away
A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings
Who's cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have a "s" in it?
Why is it that the most unattractive people in this world insist on being nudists?
I'm not a dumb blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
I don't know if I'm a player. Ask one of my girlfriends
Virginity is like a bubble... One tiny prick and it's gone
If guys had their period, they'd probably brag about the size of our tampons
Fat people are harder to kidnap
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?
Fat Girls are like Mopeds: fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to catch you
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
I wear the pants in this house. My wife just tells me which pair to wear
All kids are gifted; some just open their packages earlier than others.
Will the highways on the Internet become more few?
We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads
Most lies are false
The internet is a great way to get on the net.
If electricty comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Moblie phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest
A friend will bail u out of jail, but a best friend will be there with u saying, Damn that was fun!
Trying is the first step towards failure